two country dads

Well it's been a long and emotional weekend but we have come to the conclusion that this little boy isn't for us. We're equally sad and relieved. He will make a family a great son but not us. It's hard to define why but it comes down to feelings and a lot of uncertainty with him. I think if you took one "issue" away from him the others would be ok but as a combination it is just too much for us right now. We did acknowledge that if we had already adopted and were looking to do it again the we probably would have been able to cope with it but as our first child it is just too much for us. We're a little sad and a little relieved. It has also helped us focus on what we do want. So back to the waiting game .... The roller coaster continues.

Really lovely meeting with the Foster Carers today, has really helped humanise him and given us an understanding of what day to day life might be like. Seen videos, more photos, reports from his nursery and been given a very clear understanding of who he is. I guess now is the tough part. Ben and I deal with situations like this very differently so we are going to need a couple of days to mull it over in our own ways and then see where we're at. We both know we'll support each other either way but I think we have a very good picture of him. We have a meeting booked next Thursday with the Dr so we will probably use that as a focus point for making a decision one way or the other. It is too emotionally draining to let it drag on and on. As our friends said about their new son. "You have to Make a choice and stick to it" At this moment in time I don't know 100% what we'll choose. He is a great child but he will need a high level of support with his additional

Had a great meeting with the psychologist - we met her at the prep group and thought then how amazing she was and after an hour with her today we think she is even more amazing. Completely explained everything clearly, with humour and with a sense of reality. Beautiful metaphor about this child being on an emotional island  that he is self sufficient and in control and someone just needs to help him get off the island (asd child would never get off it) Without saying so directly she doesn't think he has autism as he has started to make secure attachment to foster carers and he is starting to play and be interested in other children at play group. Really good to find out more about repairing a child's brain and that it is possible to repair them emotional (maybe not fully but partially) Also when getting out of the car tonight we bumped into our friend int he village who has an adopted boy about the same age as the boy we are looking at. It was really good to chat to her and s

Well we met with our social worker and the child's SW yesterday and it was, as the tittle of this post says, an intense experience. I'm trying to pick through my emotions to pinpoint what I'm feeling. It is tricky. So, dear blog, I'm going to try and set things down here in hope that things become clearer. His Social worker is lovely, and it was great to spend some real time with our new SW. They are both very experienced and really laid it all out for us, without applying pressure. I get the feeling they think its a good match but haven't tried to push us. We both feel very supported so that is nice. We were shown some photos of him and that has really helped to humanise him and stop him just being a set of "issues" or unknowns. He looks very cute and full of energy - most images were blurred because I guess he was jumping around a lot! The questions about his development haven't really been answered - because no one can know 100% what will happ

Dear blog - firstly let me start by saying sorry for ignoring you. Half term was a busy week and with the sun shining I've not been sitting by a computer in the evenings. So forgive me bit try to understand I was thinking if you. Now that is out the way I will start updating in order of events. We got confirmation I an appointment with the psychologist a day or two after my last post and we go to see her next Thursday. This will be to talk over any long term issues to do with developmental delay and attachment. We have just confirmed that we have a meeting with the boys social worker on Monday morning. This is very exciting as we'll get an up to date idea of how he is settling and what has changed since the last report in his file. I guess this is also the point where she will decide if we are a good match for him! No pressure then. We will also be shown current photos of him from his foster carers We are waiting on getting a meeting with the medical adviser as well.