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Showing posts from July, 2016

End of intros and first few days at home

Apologies for the lack of posting but the end of intros and moving in was hectic and full on. It is 11.55pm and I have finally sat down and am able to type this up.

The theme for the end of intros and first few days at home are pretty similar. Lots of amazingly lovely times with feeling of bonding and love growing with big moments of being tested and pushed and thing what the hell are we doing!! Those moments are brief and totally outnumbered by the good stuff.

the hardest moment has been driving away from the foster home - the look on the foster carers face broke my heart then asking LO if he was sad and he breaking into massive sobs was so hard to watch. I was sitting in the back of the car with LO and could only cuddle him and say it was good to cry and that he was so brave. Speaking to the foster carer later in the day she was so upset it was really tricky. They have really giving our little one the start in life his birth family couldn't.

If I thought the roller coaster of ad…

Day four

Day out today and can be summed up with the 5T's.... Trips, tantrums, testing, trains, tears.

But overall it was a good day and we are learning all the time. It is hard to find the line between issues from a disrupted start in life and being a "normal" 6 year old (although developmentally maybe better to think 5 year old). The best thing about LO is his ability to repair and be aware of his naughty behavior.

Today was the first day when he gave us both s kiss and cuddle out of the blue (not saying goodbye) and these moments of connection and bonding make up for the 3 or 4 difficult moments - all three of us were very tired today and this had a huge impact.


Day three

our first outing just the three of us ... It wasn't on our plan but LO wanted it to just be the three of us, foster carer agreed that she thought we could cope and he promised her he'd be a good boy. We went to a swimming pool with slides and water cannons. It's fair to say LO can swim but he has no fear and wants to get in the pool and not hold on. Swimming lessons are now top of the list ... Thankfully mother in law is a swim teacher!

We then went out for dinner, and he was pushing boundaries and there was lots of testing but the lovely thing is that he will repair, he's great at saying sorry, for listening when you are correcting him. I think we will need to toughen up but we were able to address and deal with issues as the arrived.

Another tiring day, but some real moments of connecting and feeling real affection for him.


Day two of intros

We started the day with a meeting with a worker from the fostering team who had supported the foster carer when LO had moved in. The worker hadn't met him so it was a theoretical approach to reported behaviours some we know the foster carer has taken on and some haven't fitted into her approach (mainly because of other foster children in the placement). We had read the summary but this meeting helped because having met him it was easier to relate, also the worker was able to fill in the gaps more theory. We found it helpful to remember what we know about attachment and also think of how we can best support his transition.

Then we picked up LO at 11 with foster carer and went to the beach until 6.30. This was a really good experience (first swim in the sea for me this year and not too cold!). The three of us spent some good time in the sea with lots of bonding taking place - we had to carry him pick him up when he fell because of a wave, get sea water out of his eyes etc. he wa…

Day one of intros

What we've learnt about our LO .....

He has learnt what is said on each page of our talking intro book and loved the teddy that went with the book.

Because we put our real names in the book he was struggling to call us daddy and dad (this changed during the day (but I would advise others not to put names book and have a single image of each of you with the name you want to be called).

He likes playing football but didn't have one at foster carers. We are going to the beach today and said we'd buy him a football to take today. He asked for a blue one .... We managed to find one last night, phew!

He will listen to everything and copy and adopt sayings, phrases etc. we were playing hide and seek in the part and at one point I sat next to where he was hiding saying how sad I was that I had lost him then the next time I hid he said the same thing with fake tears and everything! I had to come out of hiding saying don't be sad and he ran over and gave me a huge hug .... Melte…

"3 more sleeps"

the title of this post is misleading - there are only two more sleeps till we meet our little one, however yesterday we had an email from his social worker saying that she had been to see him and given him our introduction book and that he was very excited and had said he only had three more sleeps till he met us ... this statement floored me! It is so nice to know that he knows that this is happening and that we are coming to meet him. I totally understand that he will be feeling a lot of various emotions but that some of those feelings are positive is amazing. The day before we found out that his Foster carer had been reading And Tango Makes Three to him and telling him that he will be going to a family with two daddies (again the message coming back was that he was very excited)

It is hard to explain or understand how I am feeling at the moment, I have never experienced anything like it - I seem to go from feeling extremely excited to extremely nervous then extremely anxious to ext…

Ratified

After my post this morning I emailed LO's social worker for an update - ten minutes later (at 8.30am) she phoned to say the decision has been ratified and it's all systems go to meet him on Monday then bring him home a week later.

We're so excited and nervous ... I'm occupying myself with painting a floor, seems like the best choice in the circumstances.

Catch up ....

Finally have a minute to sit down and catch the blog up ... It'd be a crazy week.

Thursday we met the medical adviser, we had to have a meeting before panel - no new information but a little more detail and possible impact of moving on eczema and asthma. Dr also say on the panel so she said there would be a familiar face at panel, it was very nice the next day to recognise someone!

Thursday night we took ourselves to a movie to occupy ourselves - I think one of the most challenging parts of adoption is the waiting, so much of the process is the waiting and you tend to have very little control of the things you are waiting for.

Friday morning we planned to get to panel for 10.30 to be called in at 11 ish. We were early as the waiting was sending us crazy. We met the social workers and the chair and adviser of the panel introduced themselves. We knew there were some questions over the legal issues surround LO moving to the Channel Islands so the adoption teams lawyer was there and p…

Matched

Yesterday we were official matched with our little boy at panel - I need time to sit and write up the last few days but sitting in the airport ready to travel home and it is finally dawning on me. The next time we do this journey we will be taking him home.

Full details to follow ....

Two days to go .....

I've not really had time to sit and write up what has been happening the last week or so, things have been a little crazy.

We have been rushing around trying to get the house ready and more importantly LO's room - we are taking an introduction book with us on Friday to matching panel with the hope that all goes as planned and we're approved. It is odd working on something so definite and personal but still not being 100% confirmed that the match will happen. Everyone seems very positive and our social worker has no doubt that it will happen but the fear is real. It's also difficult because you don't want to talk about it going wrong (don't want to jinx it).

Also yesterday my body gave up a little - endoftermitis - and I had to sleep most of the morning, so that put us back a little, the need for things to be perfect before panel is an odd feeling, it seems so important to know that everything is just right and however much you read about other people telling yo…