two country dads

Last session was a funny one. Ben and I both woke up in a grump, tired and stressed about work, and then had to talk about our ex's and our relationship and the stresses and strains. After SW left we were both wiped out. We tend to meet first thing on a Monday morning and generally the sessions seem to knock us for six for the rest of the day. I would advise anyone to make sure they don't "squeeze" their sessions in between work and give themselves enough time to process what has been talked about. I'm actually really looking forward to the break in meetings over Christmas. It will be nice to have a breather from it. I can't however stop thinking about how different next Christmas might be. I have to say that I unashamedly love Christmas and the whole ritual of presents, trees and pigging out. Some of my fondest memories of my family are from Christmas. Also thinking about the boy we saw at the prep group and imagining him with us next Christmas. I know I sh

Had a nice meeting yesterday. Finished off my education and employment sections. Found out we are the slowest couple our SW has ever had! We talk too much about others stuff. Had an interesting conversation about sexuality and gender today, also an in depth talk about the acting profession. Nothing really to do with the assessment just nice general chats. Think we may have to get on with it from now on. We have one more session booked next week then it will be 2013 when we meet again. I have a feeling that next year is going to take off suddenly and not stop til we reach 2014!

Slightly unusual session today as we had Ben's mum staying with us so our SW met her and interviewed her. Firstly we fed back to SW about the prep group and what we had gained from it. Also had to explain that we have come to the conclusion we want to go to panel as planned and that we have even seen a child we are interested in. She listened to everything we had to say and I think understands here we are coming to. I got the sense she wasn't saying everything she thought in as much detail because Ben's mum was there. Have a feeling we'll revisit some of it next week. She did say we shouldn't get our hopes up too much about this boy as we have very little info on him and he may not even be a match for us. It is hard though as he has really to into our heads. Trying to be sensible but it is very hard to get  emotionally involved. Interview with Ben's mum was done in front of us, although I think it usually is done in private, we had a very open chat and it wa

After the weekend "off" (we both worked both days so not really off) it was really nice to get back to the group. We both felt that we were learning lots and really enjoying the experience. We did an interesting session on loss and changes. Amazing to think about all that a child will loose and  the amount of changes they go through. But also how much we will go through too. Then there was a great talk by two adoptive parents both at different stages. Really good to hear about the future and realities. Lovely people with great stories. We then had a talk from an adopted person. This was really powerful, with some really inspiring stories. It is great to hear about how adoption was such a positive experience for her. The thing that she said that was really emotive was that we "should be proud of ourselves" I found it a really powerful statement. We are proud of ourselves and having taken part int he prep group it all now seems more real and the children seem mo

Sorry this didn't get posted last night but we needed to go out for dinner together just to relax. Yesterday was an amazingly overwhelming and powerful day for both of us. I'm lovingly the course and wish it were longer. I think we're so lucky to be involved with Cornwall adoption agency. Everyone we've met and interacted with from the team have been supportive, passionate and engaging. Day two started with some videos about the children currently in care - a little more about this later. This was good to understand and see how they are behaving now. We then did a session on memories and objects. We brought in items from our childhood and talk about them and our memories. Was lovely to share and to think about any little ones that would come to us and about the fact they may not have those objects or they may have objects that trigger other negative memories. Then we had an amazing foster carer come in - she was like a blond Brenda Blethyn, this isn't importa

Just got home after our first day of prep group. Really interesting day with a huge amount of info given over. It was mainly sitting a listening today with the day being split into sessions on who the children in care are. Abuse and it affects. Attachment. then there was supposed to be a session on medical histories but the Dr couldn't make it last minute. In a way I was glad because by that point I had reached information overload. The group were fun and fairly mixed. Two older couples each with birth children, one older woman looking to adopt on her own. Three 30 something straight couple and us. Good cross section of experiences and wants. I will try and go into more detail after the course is finished and I have had time to process it all. The main thing that struck me today was how hard it must be for younger straight couple to go thru this process. The impact on the women must be huge and there emotional desire to give birth. It must be difficult for them to hear about

I haven't posted for a few weeks as we have been on holiday for a week and then our social worker cancelled a meeting as she had to go to a funeral. I have to say that a few weeks "off" have been really helpful. It gave us time and a bit of perspective. When you are in the process of home visits it is full on with weekly meetings and writing up the sections for the next meeting. We didn't really have time to stop and think or process how we were feeling. I should also explain that we are in the middle of a major overhaul of our business and hoping to relaunch and new shop and product line int he spring. So things are full on for us at the mo. Whilst we were away we had a really good talk about the adoption (and everything else) and both felt that we should talk to our social worker about pausing the process here and maybe starting up again later next year. We are due to go to panel in March and that is the same time as the new shop is being planned to open. We

We had a really nice session yesterday, finishing off Ben's family history. Very relaxed feeling and there is definitely a change I how we feel around SW. She is very positive and seems to be happy with how things are going. We have a week off from visits as we are on holiday in the sun (hopefully) next week. Booked in sessions for when we get back and we have new homework to fill in. Have to do this bit together so should easier. We talked about reasons why we possibly wouldn't be approved. Sounds silly maybe but I've been wondering about reasons you wouldn't get approved but still go to the panel. SW reassured us that if we go to panel then it means she can see no reason for us to not be approved. We also know we are going to panel in march so is starting to feel a little more real. I have also ordered some books to read about child development. It is an area that I'm interested anyway having worked with special needs children for seven years. I have held off

Good session today. Feel really connected to and relaxed with our social worker. We are able to have a natter as well as the heavy stuff. She seems to really "get" us and seems very much like she is on our side. She was concerned that Ben was ok after last weeks session and it was nice that she seemed genuinely interested in us. She also said that we will be going to panel in march and that was as we excepted but its still a little crazy to think about. Ben and I had a good talk after about how we feel it is all going and both seem"on the same page". It is a funny feeling really that as it goes on we seem to be more accepting of the realities of having a kid. I can't see why we wouldn't get approved and matched. We watched Patrik aged 1,5 last night and it is a sweet film and worth a watch.

We had our Forth home visit today. Going onto Ben's childhood experiences. We always knew his was going to be more complicated and our SW was prepared. Ben's family has some divorces in it and a lot of 1/2 and step siblings. His childhood was also a little tougher than mine so it will probably take a little longer to go over and for the SW to get her head around. It was quiet an emotional experience for me as I had to just listen - trying not to jump in too often. I know most of the stories but seeing ben relive it wasn't easy. Afterwards he was a little worried that maybe it didn't show him in a good light. I think it makes him the perfect adoptive parent as he understands what it means to have a complicated and challenging start. My experience is all form when I was grown up and working with kids with behavioural problems ben's experience is built into the core of him. The SW asked him to think more about the long term affects of his early childhood and we can

We have just finished our third session with our social worker. Today I finished off going over my family history etc. it is a strange experience really, I don't spend a lot of time thinking about my past or how it affects me now. I had a relatively simple homelike I think but was badly bullied at secondary school. It's strange going over things and is sort of cathartic really. It's funny hearing someone else relay your information back to you. Lesley is lovely and seems to really connect to us and I thinks finds us vaguely amusing ( think that's a positive!?) she did manage to reflect back to me that I use the word "control" a lot and now I feel very aware of it ... Also we had an odd moment when we were talking about my expectations of other. Neither off us could articulate what we were trying to say. It's so easy to get defensive and feel like you're being tricked into saying something bad, I know we're not and we both feel she is very much on o

This week we have both had our medicals, very painless, just the basics. Actually it was the first time we've met our dr (lived here for two years but not needed to go yet) he was very nice and didn't bat an eyelid about it being for us to adopt. That was nice! As joined up to new social network (have to ring to confirm tomorrow) I have never belonged to an lgbt group before and is something I would have probably scoffed at before now. But I see how important it would be for any child to mix with parents who are lgbt. Also I thin the support that it provides is so valuable for us. Right off home for dinner then we have our next meeting with our social worker tomorrow. I have to finish off talking about my childhood then maybe onto Ben's. we are both up to date on all our "homework" so feeling a little smug. Will update tomorrow .... Oh and this week I have been really up and down on the whole idea of having a kid. Reading the two guys adopting blog gives m

This blog is inspired by Fernando @  www.twoguysadopting.com . I have been reading their Blog about their journey and it is a great help. I figure we should document our experince of trying to adopt living in cornwall as a gay couple. I hope it helps others and also that one day our child or children will be able to read it back and have a record of our time together. Ben and I have been together for Five years and we had our Civil Partnership earlier this year. As I said we live in Cornwall and we started our adoption journey in August this year. I think the laws have changed somewhat since the Two Guys were going throught the system. So here goes this our journey so far .... We have been to the introduction meeting. This is a very informal meeting where we were given a lot of information and basically asked if it has put us off ... it didn't. So we then had an interview at home with a social worker. Stef came to our house and we talked a little about ourselves and o