two country dads

Today is the panic day ... It has been a day full of stress for no reason and I have been trying to work out what it is that has been stressing me out, I have been sorting out some big things at work ready for summer holidays, I have been finishing off bits around the house and sorting emails to do with schools etc. All in all its been a productive day, however the level of freaking has been off the chart! It hasn't been about anything in particular just a general, overwhelming panic. Ben is out tonight so I have had some quiet time and managed to process most of it but I think we are both spiraling a little and need to connect back together and find the joy in what is happening. The hardest thing is not really being able to say 100% that LO will be ours, the worry is something will happen and he'll be taken away from us before we've even met him and that is too big a feeling to feel all at once.

Yesterday was a big day, huge .... I still can't process fully the amount of information we had to take in. We went to K's school to meet him head teacher, his foster carer and his social worker. It was a two hour meeting finding out about his behaviours day to day in school and at home. We found out about his educational needs and the support package that is being offered. We have seen new photos of him, discussed what to put in our introduction book and so much more. The overwhelming thing that has come from the meeting is how much the adults in his life care for him and love spending time with him, they spoke of how funny he was, how affectionate and bright he is. It was very emotional speaking to his foster carer who said out of all the children she's fostered he is the one she had considered long term fostering if a forever family didn't come along. Saying that she was very supportive of us and super positive about the adoption. School gave us a very clear pi...

this has been a big week and somewhat overwhelming- I think, whilst being excited, we have been keeping ourselves a little removed or stepped back from the reality of our situation. Our feeling was there were still lots of hurdles to get through and someone may decide we're not a match for LO. However a meeting last Friday with our social worker changed that mindset somewhat, her response to us mentioning these feelings was very much "on no he's yours unless you back out" - step one on raising the reality stakes. Then this week was the matching meeting where it was agreed that we will go to panel with introductions starting soon after - Step two, three and four on the reality stakes. This was on Wednesday and since then we have both been feeling very heightened ... Anxious, nervous but also excited and starting to make plans for the summer. This morning we are off to a primary school to look at a place for him in September (step five) and we have to have our dog...