3 months on

In many ways it is odd to think that it's been 3 months since we met our little man. It feels like forever and no time at all.

This last month has been very challenging, school has had a huge impact on his behaviour at home. We have seen extreme physical and emotional outbreaks as he has struggled to control his emotions and tries to control as much as he can.

We had a meeting with the head of CAHMS and he offered some great advice about how to deal with the emotional breakdowns. In essence he said to "not care so much" - obviously we still care for him and stay present when he is upset but we are trying to stay calm and not take it personally. With our LO he seems to occasionally need to have a good vent of frustration. We have also started to exercise him more after school to run off the excess energy. These changes have started to have an impact, he struggled with the change but it has made the big meltdowns much easier. We have daytime star charts and a bedtime chart. These allow him to stay focuses on good behaviour and not be reminded of bad behaviours - previously we had been "loosing privileges" now it's "good behaviour gets good stuff". We also only focus on four "rules" - follow instructions, be kind, be calm and be gentle. (We need to add in be honest as there are some issues around telling the truth!)

There have been some lovely moments, he is very funny and says some amazing things, watching him improving at swimming and cycling has been great. Seeing him sing and dance to his favourite songs is wonderful (currently mika's lollipop - take a listen and imagine it multiple times daily!). he is an oddly brilliant child and I can see the sort of boy he could grow into if we are able to help restore some of the damage done from his early life experience.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Third assessment session done

We have just finished our third session with our social worker. Today I finished off going over my family history etc. it is a strange experience really, I don't spend a lot of time thinking about my past or how it affects me now. I had a relatively simple homelike I think but was badly bullied at secondary school. It's strange going over things and is sort of cathartic really. It's funny hearing someone else relay your information back to you. Lesley is lovely and seems to really connect to us and I thinks finds us vaguely amusing ( think that's a positive!?) she did manage to reflect back to me that I use the word "control" a lot and now I feel very aware of it ... Also we had an odd moment when we were talking about my expectations of other. Neither off us could articulate what we were trying to say. It's so easy to get defensive and feel like you're being tricked into saying something bad, I know we're not and we both feel she is very much on o
Read more

I think we're matched .....

this feels like the closest and most real we've got to being dads .... Little ones social workers came to visit yesterday and we spoke about him for about two hours. It was a gloriously sunny evening in our back garden, where we got married 4 years ago, and we found out all about him. It was odd because as we spoke it kept feeling more and more that this was our son, even the stuff that is challenging about his behaviors I was starting to feel protective over him. It is strange to try and put into words how connected and attached we both feel towards him - we had to stop ourselves from just saying yes there and then. We took the dogs for a LONG walk, talk over every aspect, the "challenges" we may face and how we would approach them. We both ended the walk sure that this boy could be our son. And that is a freaky feeling! We have spoken to our social worker today and they have spoken to his social worker and they are very pleased we are progressing. So it's ti
Read more

Second opinion

After 17 home visits over 5 months we have just had our last meeting before panel in TEN DAYS! Second opinion was painless and it is nice to feel really ready for panel. The SW asked a few questions that she had from reading our report and clarified a few areas. She was very friendly and it was good to meet a new SW as ours is retiring after our panel (no reflection on us I hope!) It is an odd feeling to be at this point. To start with panel seems like some obscure mountain that you never reach the top of. But now we're nearly there. Very much looking forward to it and to the next step.
Read more