Session 4 gets a bit heavier

We had our Forth home visit today. Going onto Ben's childhood experiences. We always knew his was going to be more complicated and our SW was prepared. Ben's family has some divorces in it and a lot of 1/2 and step siblings. His childhood was also a little tougher than mine so it will probably take a little longer to go over and for the SW to get her head around.

It was quiet an emotional experience for me as I had to just listen - trying not to jump in too often. I know most of the stories but seeing ben relive it wasn't easy. Afterwards he was a little worried that maybe it didn't show him in a good light. I think it makes him the perfect adoptive parent as he understands what it means to have a complicated and challenging start. My experience is all form when I was grown up and working with kids with behavioural problems ben's experience is built into the core of him.

The SW asked him to think more about the long term affects of his early childhood and we can talk over them next week. Think it will be a few more sessions on this bit. We believe it is a great process to help the SW really understand us as people. We are very lucky to have a good, strong connection to the SW and I think she is slightly surprised about how open we are.

We also have booked onto our three day parenting course for end of Nov. So its full steam ahead.

I have been feeling funny this week with lots of extreme feelings about the whole process. I have gone from being so excited about having a kid and the idea getting their room ready, planning trips etc. to feeling like we can't cope with the pressure of having a child with a complicated history and that our lives are too full on at the moment to cope with a little person. I think it is because we are changing a lot in our business and so that is very full on and keeping me awake. I also think I am reading too many other people experiences online and people are more likely to post about the tough times rather than the good. Human nature I suppose.

After todays session I am more sure than ever that we are doing the right thing. I think about Ben and I as parents and I know we will make a great family for someone.

Ben is off to London for a few days from Thursday so am looking forward to a bit of space and dog walking.

I am trying hard to work from home this afternoon so best get back to it ......

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