Catch up time

I haven't posted for a few weeks as we have been on holiday for a week and then our social worker cancelled a meeting as she had to go to a funeral.

I have to say that a few weeks "off" have been really helpful. It gave us time and a bit of perspective. When you are in the process of home visits it is full on with weekly meetings and writing up the sections for the next meeting. We didn't really have time to stop and think or process how we were feeling. I should also explain that we are in the middle of a major overhaul of our business and hoping to relaunch and new shop and product line int he spring. So things are full on for us at the mo.

Whilst we were away we had a really good talk about the adoption (and everything else) and both felt that we should talk to our social worker about pausing the process here and maybe starting up again later next year. We are due to go to panel in March and that is the same time as the new shop is being planned to open. We're worried that if we get approved and matched quickly then we may not be able to cope. The whole process is slightly overwhelming and you get a huge amount of mixed emotions. 

Anyway we had our meeting with our SW today and we raised our concerns. She was wonderful. She listened and reflected back our feelings and said that she was glad that we had been able to discuss them with her. She is going to talk to the head of service and they are going to get back to us on whether it is better to pause now or take us to panel and then see what happens. Our SW is retiring soon and so she is keen to see us through to panel. We'd also love her to do that as we feel a strong connection to her and that she really does understand us.

We have the parenting course this Thurs/Fri and Monday so that is going ahead. We then have a meeting with SW on Tuesday so we should know more next week. 

It is such a hard place to be in. In one sentence we can argue both sides of the coin. I'm worried that we may get a little lost if we don't put a pause on things now but then the idea of there being a kid in care now who needs a home like ours and that this time next year we could be planning a chirstmas for just kills me. I have allowed myself to think about life with a child and was so excited to think we could be Dads. But I also know we have to protect ourselves and our relationship.

I guess it is a good thing that it will take a week or so to know what will happen. It will give us time to reflect more and to understand truly how we feel.

More regular updates to follow.

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