Pooping myself

Today is the panic day ... It has been a day full of stress for no reason and I have been trying to work out what it is that has been stressing me out, I have been sorting out some big things at work ready for summer holidays, I have been finishing off bits around the house and sorting emails to do with schools etc. All in all its been a productive day, however the level of freaking has been off the chart! It hasn't been about anything in particular just a general, overwhelming panic.

Ben is out tonight so I have had some quiet time and managed to process most of it but I think we are both spiraling a little and need to connect back together and find the joy in what is happening.

The hardest thing is not really being able to say 100% that LO will be ours, the worry is something will happen and he'll be taken away from us before we've even met him and that is too big a feeling to feel all at once.


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