Sunday, 18 September 2016

2 months

i have consciously chosen to step back from blogging since LO came home with us. This has been for two reasons, safeguarding concerns are the main reason but also wanting his journey not to be detailed online. I could have blogged most days about the ups and downs but it feels wrong for me to write so much about him without his choosing to be involved.

So I have decided to keep updating with catch up blogs to hopefully help others looking into the process and also to keep some sort of timeline for us in the future to look back on.

We have known our little man for 2 months and I'm not sure we really remember life before him. When he moved in we had a few nights of extreme behaviors  at bedtime but that settled fairly quickly and after a few weeks he was sleeping well and settling into family life. There were testing times but they felt like "normal" summer holiday tantrums/tiredness. Then as we built up to going to school his anxiety came back and we had issues around bedtime again, the difference was we also had issues during the day. Short, quickly to resolve and move on but he was very stressed about new school. It didn't help that every day there seemed something else to get or sort out for school so he was always thinking about it - and his old school/life. Term has now started and we are at the end of week 2. Bedtimes are settling (introduced a superstar bedtime chart, 4 points to get a superstar night, starting at bath time- follow instructions, be kind, be gentle, be calm) the reward chart seems to focus him and we hope to continue with it. He is doing well at school and coping better with mainstream education. We are all getting to know each other better and Ben and I are getting better at finding time to talk and connect with each other.

At LO worst (spitting, swearing, throwing and screaming) it's been very difficult and exhausting, I have sat on the floor of his bedroom with him in a bear hug tying to get him to calm down thinking "will this ever get better". But it does, he calms and we chat and laugh and hang out and he is great fun.

Adoption is a daily challenge - as I am sure having your own children is. The difficulty with adoption is the unknown trauma that the child has suffered. It can't excuse bad behaviors but it does help to understand why things happen.

We are trying to let negative behaviors flow through us but it is very difficult to stay calm.

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